Thursday, March 2, 2017

Stolen for PS2 (2005)

Original ad published in the April 2005 edition of EGM (no. 190)

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Female objectification combined with a poor man's Metal Gear Solid

Riding high on the Metal Gear Solid/Splinter Cell wave that propelled those franchises through the better part of the new millennium, Stolen presented itself as a sexy clone of those games, as you can probably guess by the printed material shown above. Sadly, it was a mediocre effort.

Contrary to other less culturally sensitive developers, Stolen was created by the now defunct British house Blue52.  Incredibly enough, the company closed in March, one month before the game was released in April. If you take a look at the gameplay in the video below you'll find every no-no recent video game feminists have strongly repelled: suggestive poses, gratuitous camera angles denigrating women, stupid storyline with a central female protagonist, and a ridiculous wardrobe selection by said lead.

Maybe some of those faults could have been ignored if this game were actually any good, but it is not. Controls are floaty and the overall gameplay mechanic feels "off". Graphics are bland and the music is repetitive.

Most of those ideas are well communicated in the printed material you see above, which is obviously bad if you are a person who values women, yet awesome if you are 15 year-old horny teenager. It looks like a scene from Mission Impossible, mixed with a the bit of Prince or Persia and the aforementioned MGS and Splinter Cell. 

Notice how the title of the game is right below the huge, ridiculous, cleavage of the female protagonist. Not only that, there's a second female in the background who also has a cleavage malfunction. Save for a diamond, everything else is grey and boring, just like the game itself.

Stolen for PS2 print ad (2005)

They said it couldn't be done

Stealth with a sexy twist-XBN

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